Prince is cooler than you, and he knows it.

Hey team,

Today's blog has nothing to do with Prince (I'm sorry), but rather, it has to do with marriage!  And babies!  And being an "adult"!

So here we go. 

So recently, I was facestalking (I say that as though I don't facestalk a hundred times a day... anyway...), and it occurred to me how many people I know who are engaged/ married/ have children/ are going to have children soon.  Moreover, these people are under the age of 25!  What the fuck!  I can barely get a date!  How are all these people getting married and having children?  It's completely bizarre to me.  It occurs to me now that I'm finished university, that I guess I'm at "that age" (meaning the marrying age).  A couple years ago, a former teacher of mine asked me if I had a boyfriend.  After my awkward "Nooooo I don't...", he said, "ah, but that's where you meet someone- in university!  That's where I met my wife".  And I thought that was sweet, but sort of dated.   I figured that with Gen Y's focus on career and success that the get-married-and-have-babies pressure had become less important, but apparently I am incorrect.  I guess old cultural ideologies die hard.

Now, I'm not opposed to marriage per se.  Part of me really wants to be, but to be perfectly honest, I don't know how I feel about it at all.  I know wonderful people who are getting married, and are incredibly excited about it, and I think that's awesome.  I'm even invited to a wedding!  And, if you've taken the time and realized you really do want to get married, then that's cool.  I just get the impression a lot of people don't take that time.  Moreover, my parents divorced when I was three years old (or even before?  There is some discrepancy there when I discuss this with my parents).  My dad remarried, and my mom has remained single.  Why is this important?  Because I've never really seen the importance of marriage.  My mom has never discouraged marriage, but she has discouraged weddings.  Her words were "Just elope.  Please.  I won't be upset."   I just don't want to feel obligated to find myself a husband in order to fulfill some sort of cultural norm.  And in spite of social progression, it IS still a cultural norm.  This is amplified when I hear of women who break up with their partners due to the fact that no ring was presented to them, and they were sick of waiting.  This still happens?  Seriously?  Look, if you're living together for more than two years, you're considered married in the eyes of the government anyway.  What difference does a piece of paper make?

On that note, weddings make me uncomfortable.  Though, I haven't been to many, and I really should give them another chance.  I'll do that this summer when Heather gets married.  In the meantime, YOU should read Lorca's play Blood Wedding.  It's unsettling, but full of lyrical gorgeousness.

I think marriage is so odd to me at this moment in time, because it's some traditional notion of Adulthood (with the capital A for patriarchy!).  I mean, there are all sorts of cultural signs of becoming a REAL adult, but marriage is still a major one.  With marriage typically comes some form of house and prospects of children and all those things that I'm still afraid of at 22.  Perhaps, with time, that will change.

Frig, I have to leave for work like now.  But I'll finish this with saying that if I ever get married, I think it'll be the result of a series of dares that culminates in getting married (just liked Gob on AD!).  Oh, and I'll get married in Vegas.  By Elvis.  I don't even like Elvis!

Love you.

Priority realignment.

Oh, dear friends:

A nightmare week has made many things apparent, one of which being the fact that I am seemingly not coping properly with stress and whatnot.  I've been atypically cynical and sad, and just generally quite sick.  To combat this, I am starting this blog.  Sure, I could just write in a diary and keep it all private, but why would I want to do that?  I'm self-indulgent, and you are too (that is why we have the internet, isn't it?).  Furthermore, to be perfectly honest, I'd like the practice with writing.  For some reason, I feel very rusty and unfocused when writing anything other than poetry.  Mayhaps this blog will assist in the defeat of this writer's block.  More likely, I'll probably forget about this entirely, but hey!  It'll be fun for a while.

Okay, so I've had blogs before, and I know that they're terribly lame, and I'm not saying mine will be any different, but I will promise to keep it emo-free.  I won't Gwyneth out over how hard my life is, and I will try to write on a general theme rather than "and then I went to the movies... then I went shopping" bullshit.

Anyway, this week, a compound of various stresses brought forth the well-repressed (and rightly so) cynical, defeatist Kayla.  I've been so afraid of failure that it turned me into something of a monster.  My priorities were askew, and I spent a lot of time sort of teetering.  But fuck it, that's done (for now?  Impossibly forever, but I'm trying).  This grad school shit is making me a bit more crazy than usual, but perhaps that's a good sign.  A just a little sign that I'm feeling better: it's 6pm, and there's still a lightness to the sky, and this makes me infinitely happy.

I'm probably going to use this thing to ramble about various things that entertain/ annoy me.  You know you want to read it.  It'll be littered with references to Godard (there's two already!) and all the other crazy (pretentious?) shit that I love.  I'll try not to embarrass myself too badly.

Also, I employ parentheses a lot.  Deal with it.

And, fun fact: After like sixteen years, I have finally fully accepted bananas back into my diet.  CRAZY, ISN'T IT?

Looove.